I’m not famous but it happened to me too
My new year’s resolution, like so many other people, was to lose at least 7kgs. Talk about drastic measures! Me, being me, just could’nt try the normal conventional methods, no….. I had to get Breast Cancer and go on a long long journey of Chemo to lose weight. The good news is that I lost 5kgs and looked great! The bad news – well, what can I say here other than “holy krap” , etc. Why me? They’d made a mistake. They had gotten my file mixed up with someone else’s. It’s been known to happen.
I’ve been looking for an outlet to tell my story (oh’ not another cancer story some people say) but it’s my therapy not their’s. I read in the Woman & Home magazine (Pg 81) about Blog. I think I’ll play a little with the Presentation and options, etc. and find a way to publish. Not being a computer geek nor a very good typist (I hate secretarial type work), this could be a huge learning curve for little’ol me. I wonder if this can all be typed offline – this is going to cost a fortune!
I decided to resign from my reasonably well paid career and spend more time with the kids. After 20 odd years of work I deserve to do nothing. I admit I was a little concerned that I may get bored after doing a pretty pressurized job but 2 weeks after handing in my resignation I found myself diagnosed with Breast Cancer – an aggresive grade 3 (whatever that meant). I did’nt have a lump. I couldn’t understand what they were talking about. Then I made my first scary mistake. I went on the internet to read up on my diagnosis. According to the site I went to, I had a very slim chance of survival!
I started a diary – a recording of my thoughts:
27 December 2005
I have spent 2 weeks now with a very tender left breast. I can’t be that time of the month , I don’t suffer such stuff. Maybe I am now that I’m getting older. After the New Year’s eve party I’ll go see my Gynae.”
Wednesday 4th January
Made an appointment with my gynae for Friday 6th Janaury.
Friday 6th January
The Gynae and I both suspect Mastitis and I am now on penicillin for the weekend. Have to go back to him on Monday. I am still sore and can find no lump! Maybe my Milk ducts are blocked or something.
Monday 9th January
Hello Monday – Gynae says there is no change in my breast and is referring me for an Ultrasound and then on to a surgeon with the results of the ultrasound. Back to work I go.
Tuesday 10th January
Well I went for the ultrasound. Their report says suspect mastitis but not to rule out ductal carcinoma. Never heard of such a thing. The surgeon sent me to pathology where this woman stuck a needle into my boob just above the nipple. She said she got breast cells and does’nt think there’s anything to worry about. The surgeon has put me on anti-biotics for a week.
Tuesday 17th January
Went back to surgeon today. He’s not happy with the lack of info from the pathologist so I am now going to day hospital on Friday for a biopsy. This makes me think of my
Nan who always reckoned that doctors are too quick and eager to cut to make money. Hope it’s not the case here, he seems really nice and genuine. I’ve explained to Simon and mom-in-law, we’re all quite positive that it’s nothing to worry about. I’m more concerned about the anesthetic – what if I don’t wake up???
Friday 20 January
Glad that’s over with – a little sore but no big deal. Have to see surgeon on Tuesday next week for the results. Tuesday each week is becoming a dreaded day. Off to enjoy my weekend.
Tuesday 24 January
Today the shit hit the fan!! According to the surgeon I have ductal carcinoma Grade III. What is that?? According to him I have cancer cells in the sample they took and I have a large tumour. How do they know the size of the tumour from the little bit they took out? I don’t understand. Is this cancer or not? Am I dying or not? Is it going to hurt or not? Just give me some tablets so that I can get on with my life. I don’t want to hear that one in eight women are walking around with breast cancer. I’m healthy. I have two young children and a man whom I thought I would outlive. He’s the smoker and drinker and overweighter not me! I have to meet an oncologist tomorrow morning. Mom-in-law says she’ll come with me. I don’t believe this is happening.
Wednesday 25 January
Went to the oncology department. Filled in loads of forms. A woman who said she is a cancer counselor came and introduced herself. She wanted to know how I am and what have I told my children. Is she insane??? I have’nt told myself yet, I don’t know if I’m going to live or die and she wants me to think of my kids. Thinking of them cripples me into nothingness, can’t she see that.
We met the doctor. She’s booked me a load of tests for tomorrow and then I have to go back to her on Monday next week. Mom-in-law says she’ll spend the day with me doing the tests. The way I understand it they want to make sure the cancer is no where else in my body. I guess it’s time to phone my folks and my sister in Aussie land. This will really spoil their holiday but I also know that if I don’t tell them it’ll break their hearts.
Holiday or not they will want to know. Can’t remember much of what the doctor said other than it’s a common form of breast cancer although she had not received the hormonal receptor report bit yet.
Thursday 26 January
Friends in work concerned because I have already handed in my notice. I am finally getting out of the corporate world. Look’s like I will have to put things on hold for a while tho’ as far as all the things I want to do. I have also cancelled the cruise on the Rhapsody that were looking so forward to.
First port of call the “nuclear” room. I was injected with some radioactive stuff and then scanned under this big machine, thought it was going to squash me. Then CT scans and this horrible drinking water, then to a heart doctor to ultrasound my heart. Now we wait.
Monday 30 January
Can cancer have a good news? Good news – it’s nowhere else in my body except for breast and lymph nodes. How is that good news? I thought the lymph glands spread the stuff!!!
I start chemo tomorrow at lunch time. The doctor showed us the room we get to sit in. It looks friendly enough. I don’t know how much info Simon nor I digested today. Simon is more positive than I am, he seems to think we’ll just nuuck the thing and cut it out and tra la la life can continue. It’s not his breast!!!!!!!!!!! Bet he would’nt be so up beat if he’d just been told they were going to cut his balls off.
Tuesday 31 January
Phoned a friend called Cindy, she had breast cancer a while back. She says to drink loads of water, take some crackers with me and some wine gums and a book to read. Feeling really nervous. Can’t believe this is happening. Should I cut my hair, is it going to fall out?
Finished chemo around 5pm. 7pm and I don’t feel too good. I’m taking the tablets they gave me, let’s hope they work.
Wednesday 1 February
Dad is 70 today! Did’nt post his card off in time with everything going on at the moment. What a rough night. I seem to have insomnia. Nausea not too bad now tho. A friend visited to see how I’m doing. Can’t face food or the smell of it. Thank goodness mom-in-law here. She’s cooking for the family tonight. I think I’ll try going into work tomorrow. At least I don’t have to do this again for another 2 weeks. Oh yes, my hormonal bit – apparently I am positive all three (oestrogen, proggie something and Her2). Is this good or bad? Apparently when this is all over I have to be forced into early menopause. This is just never ending!
Sunday 19 February
Our son is 14 today! My hair fell out in chunks in the shower. Have shaved it off now with Simon’s clippers. My journey is well and truly on it’s way.
Please goto page : My journey continues
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